Valid

What's up sweet kids!

How are you?

I've treated this blog like a pet project unlike most of my writing projects in the past.  I've learned that the folks that read blogs are the following:

-Over forty

-Millennials

-Nosey people

-If under forty, nosier tea spillers

-Bored people

-Literarily-inclined book readers

-Friends

-Not-so-good friends

-Enemies

-Frenemies 

-Exes

-People who think the blog might be about them

There are so many other titles I could throw out there, but I think the listing above will do well for today's entry.

My last blog entry, "The Final Heartbreak", had QUITE the response.  People wrote some beautiful comments.  Some people wanted the nitty gritty, the names, the people, the timeline, etc.  Some folks told me they wanted to hug me.  Others took a different approach: "the things you post worry me", "I had no clue you were going through that", "you pick the wrong people to help", "please call me if you need anything, I'm here for you."

No you're not. 

You're nosey.

I give people what they want and they say dumb shit like, "the things you post worry me."

Well, don't get so worried.  I'm the one who lived the adventures I write about and I know how to handle me.  In fact, I'm the only person who knows how to handle me.   Everyone else overreacts or acts like they are oblivious. 

One lady told me she didn't know how to click the link to my blog.

Um... you click the link, dip shit.

How can you book flights out of the country from your phone, but you can't click a link?  I worry about HER, NOT ME.

I had a person give me a sizable critique of what a vicious, scathing person I am only for me to respond with, "did you read my blog from the author's point of view?"

No.  She didn't. 

To be honest, I don't think she is intellectually aware to know how to do that.  She is defensive and likes to argue with me.  She's not going to win that argument since I think she's dumb to begin with. 

My reason for asking her and telling you this now is that I want you to understand something: when someone has been through trauma like a heartbreak, a break-up, a death, financial despair or a loss, they have every right to express themselves as they see fit.  If something happened to them and they feel attacked, they should express those feelings openly, honestly and without censorship.  They should be embraced, listened to and accepted.  

When you are as public as me and you say the things you say or write the things you write (in my case), you're going to get feedback.   I'm open to feedback.  I wouldn't write the blog if I wasn't.  I, do, however, screen my critiques online and in-person.

Who are you to me?

Do you really care?

Do I even like you or value you?

Are you a smart person?

Do you read?

Do you know me outside of social media or outside of my blog?

I mostly shrug a lot of words off.  I don't really care what people think of me.  That mentality and attitude has served me quite well for decades.

I'm currently working on a few writing projects outside of my blog, teaching and business.  I have a podcast in the works and speaking engagements booked.  I'm happy to be back or on the brink of being back to that world.  

The reason I wrote the last blog was to let go and move on of someone and a situation I couldn't hold on to anymore.  

In order for me to write and speak in a public setting, I need to lessen my distractions. 

Two things you should know about me (my close friends know this):

I do not drink and write and I do not write when I'm upset.

There's no reasoning with a drunk person or an emotionally distraught person, but their feelings are valid.  When the booze has worn off and they have regained clarity, their feelings are valid.  When they post a blog and you hate it, their feelings are still valid.  When they tell you the story as it happens or a year later, their feelings are (you guessed it) valid.  

No matter what I write about or how I feel, my feelings are always valid and I will always tell the truth in love, whether the reader or the people I talk about like my feelings or not.

If you don't like what I have to say about you, do better.

That's all.

xo, j.

The Final Heartbreak

 Hi friends,

I am going to be incredibly vulnerable in this blog entry... so buckle up.

About a year ago I was deeply involved in the life of one of my friends that went to prison.  He was and always has been such a talented human being.  I never judged his situation or made any sin of it.  Everyone messes up.   I know I have.

My friends knew I was talking to him regularly and I made it a point to visit him and give him rides to work and spend time with him as he was re-introduced to society.  

I think the world of him.  I think he is a gem.  He is a gift to us.  He is so talented in his profession and so knowledgeable, but he makes mistakes and gets caught making those same mistakes.  He is a charmer, a handsome man and knows how to speak well.  He is engaging as fuck and has the most beautiful eyes.

For over fifteen years, I have known those eyes; so helping out with rides and talking to him was no big deal to me, in fact, it was the biggest turn on.

Four months went by and then one day he just stopped being engaged with yours truly.  His "friend" got in the way.  He told me they were only friends and that I shouldn't be worried and that he was not attracted to him in any way.  

The day before my birthday, the "friend" posted in his Instagram comments, "I have the most beautiful boyfriend."

I LIKED the comment.

I did it on purpose. 

I do not like this person.  I think he's fake and a big user.  He sees a wallet and a fantasy.  

I was numb. 

For months I slept in a dark room, came home and showered and retired to sleep, stopped cooking and stopped listening to music and stopped praying and meditating.  

I disconnected from God.

I disconnected from Hope.

I wrote messages to find closure only to find that I have been restricted and blocked.

I sent a nasty email to the other friend that was not a "friend",  but a boyfriend.

I became obsessed with heartbreak and darkness.

I drank five or six nights a week.  I spent money on Only Fans and fell into the deepest depression I have been through since my separation/divorce.

I lost my yoga classes, private yoga clients and and had people questioning what I was going to do next. I had no answer.  I became obsessed with lighting candles at church and praying for clarity.  I prayed for my friend and his new boyfriend, my enemy.

I kept getting news reports about their relationship.

Then my friend went to work for one of my sworn enemies.  How could he do this?

Why was and why is he still hurting me?

I love him.

I want the world for him.

Two days ago, someone showed me a post of my friend thanking his boyfriend for all his support at this time. 

What the fuck has he done for you?  You don't even find yourself attracted to him... or did you lie?

Did you lie to get a ride to work?  Have you lied our entire friendship?  

Did you lie when you told me you appreciate all I've done for you?

I have an evaluation of this situation:

Yes, you did and do like me.  Yes, I'm intense and real.  Yes, I can be dramatic.  I get to be.  I was lied to.  You told me this man was only a friend and you are supposed boyfriends.  

I deserve better than a liar.  

I never cared that you drank.

I never cared that you did drugs.

I never cared that you went to prison.

I only cared about love.

Now, all I can focus on is the blatant betrayal and your focus on using me.  It has been a damaging action and a damaging relationship.

I do not hate you and I will NEVER hate you, BUT I am disappointed and I deserve closure.  Your entire family knows what has happened and you have not even tried to make this better.  Does the new guy put it down good?  Is he hung?  Is he a gem?   Is he love's pure light?  I highly doubt it.  He is a user.

From this experience I have learned that I do not ever want a boyfriend again.  I do not ever want to help anyone again and I do not want any affection or feelings again.  I want to be alone.  I want to be left alone and I want an apology. 

An apology would mean the world to me.  

I have been swirling through space for nine months in and out of depression and asking myself what I did wrong.  I have prayed, cried, fasted and lit churches on fire with so many candles asking for answers.  

I deserve an answer.

I read online that it's okay to tell people to fuck off.  

I don't like that.

I will tell you this though: You, my love, are my final heartbreak.  I will never allow this to happen again and I will remember all of the relationships that led to this.

I am now five out of five romantic failures where someone else won their affection.  

I'm just not good at love.  

A weak person would kill themself; I have too much talent to even honor such a thought.  I'm smart and attractive and handsome and witty and silly and cultured.

I'm sad for you.

You picked the wrong person and I am not looking for anyone because of it.

You fucked up once again.

Forever  heartbroken, -j.

The Longest January

 Good evening friends,

Here we are in early February gratefully exhaling the residue of the longest January in the history of mankind.  At least that's what it feels like on my end.  

January, for me, is a time of deep reflection after the holidays.  The Holidays send people into a frenzy of excessive spending, eating, drinking and pretending to be marry all for appearance sake.  For me, the only great fulfillment I get comes at Midnight Mass.  That's the absolute truth!  We could literally eat turkey sandwiches and forego the big feasts that occupy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day for me. 

Please know this: I love my family traditions and I love hosting people and helping my mom in the kitchen, those activities do give me great joy, but I do not like excessive stress or the feeling of having to perform for anyone.  If I want to be "on" and perform stand-up comedy, catch me at my local watering hole twice a week.  When I'm with family, I genuinely want to check in with each person and know the good, the bad and the ugly.  I like to keep shit real.  Don't save face for me because I can see when you're trying to keep up with appearances.  

I recently had a situation occur where my friend's stepmom told me I overwhelmed her and her husband when I greeted them and I knew this when I noticed her reaction.  I sent her a message and said I was sorry to come on so direct and so strong.  I think we worked out her overwhelmed reaction and I hopefully still have a friend in her and her husband because if I don't, then people are just weak.  That's all there is to it.  I'm learning that people are not made with iron backbones anymore and they don't like to hear the truth.  We've become incredibly soft in today's society.  

When 12 year old kids tell you they are suffering from "anxiety", we have gone AWRY! 

It's been cold and snowy lately.  Snowier than I've ever seen for the area of the country where I live.  I think the kids have maxed out on their snow days and will probably have an extended school year, but that's the way the world is now.  Again, soft. 

We went to school!  Hell froze over, we walked uphill both ways without a water bottle and never told our moms and dads if we got in a fight after school because we could handle it.  Kids and  parents are not made like this anymore.  We've become incredibly sensitive to the idea that we can just call off whenever we don't feel like going to work or fulfilling our obligatory duties. 

One of the "snow days", if you will, I was scheduled to be off from work to watch The Inauguration of President Donald Trump.  I watch every Inauguration in the hopes that like a good American, I can tune in to the tone of the country, the incoming political leaders and the mood of the room.  I watch when I voted for you and I watch when I didn't vote for you.  I never tell people who I voted for and I don't discuss politics publicly unless we are 1) alone, and 2) I know you can handle it.

People can't handle it.  

My close friends know how I feel about politics.  I don't think you should worry too much.  I mean that.  The people in power are going to do whatever they damn well please and they don't KNOW you.  Stop acting like they KNOW you.  They have not been to your house.  Last time I checked, Elon was not having morning Chai with me anytime soon and Melania has never booked a hair appointment with me.  They DON'T KNOW ME. 

I read the threads on X, I've silenced the crybabies on Facebook and have unfollowed the extremist accounts I see on Instagram.  For my own peace, it's easier to unfollow your social media feeds and be kind to you in person.  When people tell me how scared they are or how irrate they are, I assuringly say the same thing to everyone: "I promise you that you and I are going to be just fine."

...and I mean that.  Stop worrying about stuff you can't control... especially the United States government.  We have never gotten along and it just creates division.  

There's been a lot of commentators, television personalities and entertainers talking about disconnecting from family and friends that didn't vote for your selected or preferred candidate.  I think that's absolute horse shit and incredibly immature.  Again, we have become so soft and so dependent on our own individual egos that we don't know how to communicate anymore.  Everyone has a false self-inflicted form of PTSD.  

I'm not here for any of it.  

Once again, "I promise you that you and I are going to be just fine."

When every January arrives, I do a little experiment: I purposely wait for my "friends" to text me first and invite me to do something or send me a meme or something funny over DM or Instagram Messenger.  I make almost no effort in initiating meet-ups or lunch plans unless we have been RIDE OR DIE for years.  When an election year is upon us, I go even more mute for all the reasons I've stated above.   

If I had anything to ask of my friends, clients and acquaintances readings this, it would be the following:

1. BE SMARTER THAN THE SYSTEM. 

2. DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE OR HEAR (especially on social media).

3. READ MORE THAN THE HEADLINES.  DO YOUR RESEARCH.

4. BE OPEN TO FAIR AND HONEST CONVERSATION.

5. STOP REACTING OUT OF ANGER OR FEAR.  BE A GODDAMNED ADULT.

I know adulting is hard and that we are not always going to see eye to eye and we may even need little breaks from one another, but I honestly think we need to put on our armor and walk like soldiers.  We cannot heal, grow or come together if we're all gonna be so soft and vulnerable that we are unable to function or make words to create a sentence.  

If social media makes you mad, turn it off.  If the news is unsavory, put it away.  If you can't stand a political candidate, don't talk about them.  That was my rule for the last four years.  I didn't say a word about the president.  I let people praise him or diss him, but I did not make many more comments other than, "I'm not really a fan." 

I said what I said. I'm not soft, I'm not weak and I'm not scared.  

I'll say it for the last time:

"I promise you that you and I are going to be just fine."

xo, j.

The Guest List

What's up friends,

Wow! 

Here we are again!  Another holiday season.  We've eaten the turkey, we've either avoided or embraced Mariah and if you're Catholic like me, you are smack dab in the middle of Advent with all the Marian Feast Days you can handle.

This last week caught me off guard because Thanksgiving landed so late this year.  For Thanksgiving to be the last week of November, it sets up right into the crackdown of holiday shopping and decorating.  This was probably one of the few years where we were super late decorating the salon.  God bless my mom, she's a champ!  She keeps my shit together.  

I had a terrible, hacking cough in November and two weeks later, my mom didn't feel well either.  What can I say?  We're getting older, I guess.

One of the events I look forward to at this time of year is my annual holiday party.  It's always the Saturday after Thanksgiving and it's always during The Parade of Lights.  It's a real shindig! 

Every year I look at the list of people and I think to myself, "Has my friend group grown?  Has my friend list changed scenery?  Has the entire 'Josh Show' been recasted?"  

Let me tell you: this year was a bit of a recast.  

Years ago when I was writing "Pretty Boy Education",  my first blog, I wrote about "recasting" my life and some of the people that worked with me at one salon or hung out with me noticed that they were fitting the archetype of someone I was talking about.  

Let's be honest, friendships change shape.  Some people get closer, some fall away, some can't fucking stand one another, but they keep up appearances.  After the year I had with so many plot twists in my personal life, I took the opportunity to re-evaluate who I wanted to share space with at my party.  I wanted to see new faces and I wanted to give some folks a well-needed break from "The Josh Show" as many of my exes have called it.  

I started by looking at people that have been true blue and nonjudgmental this year.  This has been the year of judgment!  I've had some very close friends give me their two cents about situations I put myself in.  I couldn't care less.  I don't like judgmental people.  I have a rule, "get your goddamn house in order before you ever try to tell me how to handle mine!"  

Most people have some element or degree of drama happening in their lives.  It's a spectrum like autism.  We're all on the drama spectrum, it just shows more in others than some.  I tend to land high on the spectrum because I love to stir the pot and I don't keep my mouth shut.  I will sell this to people as one of my endearing qualities, but sometimes it translates as a headache when I give folks the skinny.  What can I say?  I'm a natural-borne entertainer! 

This year, I aimed for professionals in my industry, my age range going up and down 8 years both ways.  32-48.  Yes, there were some younger folks there and there were some older couples invited to balance out the scene especially folks that are friendly with my Mom.  She's become a fixture at the salon over the last six years and I want her to enjoy herself as well.  

Overall, the party was a major success!  The biggest regret, I forgot to take a group picture!  

At the end of the evening, I went next door to The Senate Bar and Grill and passed out the last of the desserts my mom had made.  I wasn't going to eat them and I didn't want to throw them away.  Everyone loved them!  We always have a decent spread at my parties.  The booze is flowing, the food is spectacular and the company is a blessing!  

I would say that I'm blessed this year. I missed a few faces and relished in this for a few days after. 

At morning Mass the following Tuesday, I arrived a little early and lit a few candles.  I knelt down and told God to take care of my friends that have chosen to breakaway for the time being and asked him to soften my heart to their situations and feelings toward me.

"Maybe I'm just too much for them", was the thought that ran through my mind.  Was this God telling me this or was this me channeling a digested thought given to me after my Divine plea?

I smiled, looked at the altar and said, "we'll go with that, Lord.  You'd know better."

Life is full of deep connections that go awry or just fall flat with a major thud.  People ghost, people flee when it gets too hot in the kitchen or they just don't gel with you.  It's not for us to understand.  I do find it to be a bit cowardly though.  Modern psychology will tell you that they are "creating boundaries" and "protecting their energy".

Naw.  Just a bunch of a pussies that can't handle the heat in my book. 

I'm glad they weren't on the guest list.

Cheers!

-j.

Lessons at 40

Good evening friends,

It's been almost a year since I wrote on on this site.  I had some positive feedback from the two entries that I posted back in December of last year and then 2024 happened and everything went really, really fast. 

The salon has been gangbusters busy.  January was massive!  Between the salon, yoga, and teaching religious education, I was all over the place and my social life was in good graces with the large amount of friend groups I juggle.  

February brought a very unlikely turn of events when a person from my past magically re-appeared.  My friend was re-establishing his life in a sober capacity and I chose to be a source of counsel, friendship and unconditional love.  As March came, we saw more and more of each other and I remembered how amazing our friendship is, was and will continue to be (one day).

As I continued this friendship and spent more time with my friend, I saw a lot of mixed emotions in my social circles.   Some folks told me not to get too close, some wanted to know specifics and some wanted me to leave him alone all together.  I chose to listen to my own intuition and continue on my path, my hearts callings and spent more time with my friend.

April brought me back to Salt Lake City to attend an open house for a new temple less than a mile from my grandfather's home.  I was thrilled to attend.  He would have been so happy to have a temple this close to him.  The traffic into Salt Lake was terrible and the ride home was challenging since there were so many roads closed.  We had to come home through Wyoming back into Colorado versus just passing through Grand Junction and then back down to good ol' Pueblo.  I was irritable when we got back home.  I don't know that I'll ever drive that again.  I do anticipate going back to Salt Lake, but I will probably fly in and fly out.  

May brought warmer weather and the return of teaching privately.  This year my yoga students focused more on mediation, Yoga Nidra, chakra work through Reiki and learning classically yoga and techniques taught in India.  They were immersed in authentic yogic practices and I was surging with energy.  I noticed a strain and stress in my friend's demeanor at this time and kept brushing off the behavior as fear of adjusting to a new lifestyle; sadly, I knew there was a third-party influence in his ear and as I warned against this person's influence, it was met with deaf ears.

By June, my friend had sent me a message and ghosted me altogether.  His text messages did not even sounds like him.  I am convinced the third-party influence had a hand in this disunion and I fell into a deep depression.  I could not eat.  I could not self-heal through Reiki practices and sat (for what seemed like hours) in deep meditation asking God to reveal to me the source of strain.  My third-eye vision was keen and open and I kept getting signs that a reunion would soon take place by his birthday or my own.

July came and I dropped a gift off at his work with no returned thank you or acknowledgement.  I felt absolutely worthless and continued on my depression-filled road.  I'd wake up, go to work, come home and sleep and repeat.  I had also taken up smoking cigarettes again in an attempt to release my stress.  I canceled all my private student sessions and fell deeper into an abyss I have never felt.  

One thing I will share with you: please don't ghost your loved ones or friends.  It is deafening to the spirit.  I'm a strong person, but anyone else weaker than me may have thought about suicide.  

I was getting unsolicited advice from friends, family and friends that were just train wrecks.  Why would I listen to a bunch of train wrecks?  I was also shunned by a few close friends and eventually disconnected with them.  Someone even had the audacity to tell me, "Josh, it's okay to not be okay."  

Dude, fuck off.  

I had people telling me that depression didn't look good on me and even had a person tell me that I looked desperate for attention.  I felt tormented daily by these hurtful words.  Sometimes people just need you to listen, they don't need your words.  

August seemed to be a little better as I upped my sunlight and vitamins and had to understand that this person has elected himself out and that everyone else has an opinion. 

Opinions are like assholes, we all have one.  I don't always want your feedback, really.  I am a very strong person and think very little of advice from others.  I'm not stupid or emotionally immature.  My life has gone pretty smooth with the exception of matters of love and sometimes financial mistakes.  In general, I run the roost and everyone comes to me for advice.  If I need advice, I'll go to God, not my drinking buddies.  

I attended our local Gay Pride festivities this year and reconnected with a lot of lost connections and flirted and danced and lived my life as a single, almost-forty-year old man.  

A week later, I turned forty.  I requested that we not celebrate my birthday, but a month of dinners, lunches, drinks and presents persisted and I realized that one lost connection is not worth all the sorrow.  There are so many people in this world that love me.  Sadly, I received three messages three days before my birthday from friends that they noticed a big shift in my attitude on life and found me to be negative and even concerning and could not continue their friendships with me.  It was like a kick in the teeth.  I was not shy to share this with those individuals.  I came back swinging.  Frankly, they deserved it.  

My entire life as a grown adult I have always rescued my friends, helped them and loved them unconditionally and what I learned was the greatest gift of all: "not everyone treats you like you treat them."

I woke up out of my fury, out of my daze and decided that it was time to move forward.  Their loss, not mine.  What did I gain?  More time for me and meeting new people and frankly, when the time is right, those people will return back into my orbit like they always seem to do.  

September brought more engagements, weddings, baptisms, dates, and a return to my mediation practice in full.  I started teaching religious ed again and even got to be a guest speaker at one of the Catholic schools.  Everyone loved my talk and message.  Five days later, the principle of the school called me to tell me that someone had submitted Facebook posts form 2020-2024 where I had cussed or said off-color jokes that were not humorous or offensive to him and that I should not return to the school.  I challenged his sentiments and remarked respectfully and still attend morning Mass there when I have a chance.  

It's like I've had a sniper shooting at me all year critiquing me and telling me how bad of a person I am when, in fact, I've had an adventurous year blossoming into this 40-year-old man.  

October has brought a lot of quiet time and thinking.   As the year ends, I think to myself: it's been a year of growth.  I am disappointed by a large portion of my friends this year.  I love them all so much and want the best for them, but it has become very clear to me that I am taken advantage of and that the people that get close to me either need something from me or fooled me into thinking our connection was real.  

Truthfully, I think those people are jealous.

I have something they don't: integrity.  

I do what I say I'm going to do even when they discourage it.  I am rebellious by nature.  The rebel in me fuels me because honestly, listening to the rules and walking on the dotted line is a boring way to live.  There is a blissful yogi that lives in me and communes with God, the Devas and the Angels each morning and by 2:00 PM, my Spanish blood takes over and I want a glass of wine and some tapas.  I have a dirty mouth and an exuberant sense of humor.  Some people can't handle it. 

I guess, in closing, what I would like to say is that if I offended you this year, you overthought the situation or you were judging me.   You need a hobby.  You need to worry about your own sins and quit counting mine.

Bring on the holidays!  I'm ready for a good ugly sweater party and Midnight Mass.

Til I update you again,

Joshy-poo.

11/01/24

Greetings from the Casino

Good evening friends, 

I'm sitting here in Black Hawk, Colorado at The Monarch Casino and Resort and have to tell you that Christmas was not a such a bad change this year.  

No Midnight Mass.

No acting as Mom's sous chef in the kitchen.

No over drinking, even. 

For being at a Casino, I haven't actually gambled a whole lot and I have probably been the most sober on a trip I've ever been in a long time.  I may have actually had more of a buzz in Salt Lake City.  Not kidding!

One of the reasons we chose to travel this year for Christmas was because of many reasons:

1. I personally haven't been on vacation at all this year.

2. I haven't really traveled since COVID except once... yep, do the math in your head, kids.

3. We didn't want to do the traditional Christmas thing.

Normally, we look forward to the Latino Catholic Noche Buena thing, but this year we all needed to unplug from everything and everyone.  It seemed like the best way to recharge.  Black Hawk is not very far away from home, but I have to tell you: I can tell I haven't traveled because I keep thinking Black Hawk looks like Switzerland. I have never been to Switzerland so stay with me here.

....Snow, mountains, one road down the middle of the mountain town.  Give me more of this!  

This morning I posted a video on Instagram of the gym at the resort.  You can see a panoramic view of the mountains from the twenty-third floor as you walk on the treadmill or lift weights.  The hot tub is nice too, but by the time I got there today folks already had their kids in the water.  I just don't see the point of bringing children to a Casino-based resort!  What are these fools smoking?!

This past year in the salon has been one of my busiest and for that I am eternally grateful.  I do, however, think I sold myself short on times to rest and taking proper time to recharge and reset; I never traveled, I never went on a day trip, nothing!  The biggest trip I took this yeas was driving to Trader Joe's one city away.  

We need to change that in 2024! 

I am looking forward to the new year, that's all I can say.  

I have a New Year's Rule (my life is full of rules):

The rules is this: Whoever reaches out to you in the month of January is a good friend, this is a good sign for the year to come.  The folks that infiltrate your January will be your buddies or the power players for the next ten to eleven months.  Trust me here.  

I am also very superstitious about New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.  

On New Year's Eve, my family and I have a a steak dinner and drink cava or champagne and talk about our rose and our thorn (the goods and bads) of the year and our plans for the next one.  This tradition shifted to the thirtieth by default when I got with be ex because he was a New Year's Eve baby so naturally, the night belonged to him.  I think I should have kept the tradition alive and shifted HIS birthday because we didn't always have an easy ride in our years together.  Not everything was bad, but when I say "friction", I mean FRICTION with all CAPS.  

Midnight arrives and it's a common Spanish tradition to drink cava and eat twelve grapes as a sign of good luck for the new year.  Each grape symbolizes each month of the year to come.

On New Year's Day, we go to church because it's the Feast of Mary, Mother of God.  No exceptions!  If you can party like a big boy, you can go to church like a big boy!  Also another custom in Spain and other parts of the Mediterranean is to eat lentils the next morning.  In some parts of Italy and even Spain, they may even eat lentils and sausages (peasant food).

Eating a humble meal of lentils reminds us that we ended the year on a high note (cava, steak, butter, the whole schmegegge), but we will enter humbly and eat as peasants.  Since lentils look like coins, the idea is that the more lentils you eat, the richer you'll be that year.  It's also not half-bad on the digestive system to start on the first of the year detox! Start your engines, kids! 

Traditions mean a lot to me.  Last year, my parents made steak on New Year's Day and in the middle of the steaks being grilled, I received a phone call that the pipes to the salon were broken because they had frozen.   See what I said?  Don't start off the year acting high on the hog because that little snafu cost me a lot of money in lost revenue and the heartbreak of me calling guests to reschedule them at the beginning of the year after I've been on Holiday Break for two weeks.  Have you ever told a woman her color was cancelled after she's waited an extra week?  It's not pretty! 

Lentils only on New Year's Day! Anyone that invites me out for a heavy meal on New Year's Day is gonna get blocked online and in real-life, you're not on Team Josh! I will officially declare you Judas and banish you from my island. 

I have a couple of goals for the New Year:

First things first, I'd like to travel again.  I haven't been on a plane since 2018.  

I'd also like to set stricter boundaries with my friends.  Let me elaborate... is it okay to tell my friends that if they aren't positive and they're always bitching about life that I am not their boy?  I just don't care anymore.  If you're depressed, get help.  If you feel unfulfilled in your marriage, seek counseling or separate and scare the shit out of your husband because we all know he can't make it without you and if I am really not the hairdresser for you, please tell me because I can refer you to some young tart that knows nothing about what she's doing except burning hair and charging like she's a twenty-year stylist.  I have no problem stepping away from Karen, Negative Nancy and Lousy Loretta this year.  I give you my blessing friends, lovers, kids and clients to leave me.  Imagine I'm Greta Garbo, she left Hollywood at 36.  Do me the favor. 

What I think I am mostly getting at is that I want to explore more this year.  

I'm in a new decade of my life and I want it to be fulfilling because in ten years, I'll be under the knife transplanting a new face on this one or cutting off one my chins to keep up with all the other people on TikTok.  (Kidding! It's funny.)

Tomorrow we leave for home and I'm honestly very excited to go home and be in silence.  I've stayed kind of quiet online because I don't want to interact all that much with most people.  I am pretending to be Zechariah... you remember him right?  He was John the Baptist's dad.  When the angel told him that Elishevah was pregnant, he went mute til Johnny baby was born.  

Joshua Zechariah signing off...

Happy New Year from Black Hawk, Colorado.  Maybe I'll stay a little longer. 

xo -j.

Enter Stage Right: Josh

Well, oh well.

It's nice to be back.

I've been sitting here trying to figure out how to upload and layout blogs again and frankly, the easy-to-use sites have gotten very sophisticated. 

Most influencers on the internet do not write, they post influencer content where they are either heavily made up or not wearing make up at all.  Both of these scenarios bother me greatly.  We are surrounded by people that are non-experts in expert fields that do not deserve the platform they do so well on with the help of paid sponsorships and thirsty behavior; Very little is left to the imagination if you are internet famous now.

Back when I started blogging, it was 2005.  I was freshly into the beauty industry and was exploring so many aspects of my life that I never thought I'd ever have to question.  Twenty-one year old Josh was freshly into meeting friends for Friday happy hour and often questioning if I liked girls or boys.  I knew the answer, we all knew the answer!  Why was I kidding myself thinking I liked girls?  Also, why did I turn into a binge-drinker a couple years later?  The beauty industry does that to people.  It's a heavy-drinking industry. 

Bisexuality and booze had fully taken over and I was ready to hammer out the details in a blog that became sleeper hit called "Pretty Boy Education". 

The blog became incredibly popular and even got a spin-off, "Pretty World, Fabulous Life: Inside Studio JRy".  Not only was I talking about my young adult adventures, the spin-off followed my life as a single man in a small city establishing my clientele and building my reputation as a quick-witted, sharp-tongued personality that was very much in charge and not giving a shit what anyone had to say about the dance moves I was making.  The spin-off blog won an award as people read about my new contracts with major hair care companies, celebrity gossip, beauty industry gossip and even landed me a newspaper column, "Haute Mess" and another one for young adults called "Living Fabulously".  

More awards and speaking engagements followed.

As I opened my salon, my popularity took a little nose dive as I lead the opening of my salon with my ego and not my heart; I had no idea what I was doing and it was EVERYONE ELSE'S fault.  Oh yes, the accountability I learned to accept working with my Kabbalah teacher had flown right out the window.  I was unstoppable in my own eyes and no one was going to get in my way... not a friend, not family, no one.

A little phone call from the haircare company Joico came along and my Twitter account was on fire!  I had started a a lifestyle blog called "Rockstar Slums" at the request of my romantic interest at the time.   My blog was influencing before influencers were a thing.  I was sent free everything to review: shampoo, make-up, food, candy, books to read, porn to watch (not kidding), underwear, you name it.  

I was popular again and this time in a larger market!  

This popularity got me a gig styling Joan Rivers hair and an up-and-coming model that didn't quite make it to Victoria's Secret, but she did have a commercial air for JCPenney during the Oscars that year.  

You couldn't stop me! I thought to myself, "if the folks in my town don't like me, I can always run away to LaLa Land (LA)."

The next year brought me a relationship that lasted eight years and lots of heartache.  I was drinking a lot more and I was in serious trouble when a viral video of me made it out on the internet of my crap behavior.  I was in serious debt with the IRS and after years of them asking for their money, they levied my salon account and I had to start from zero.  The taste of the Hollywood fall from grace was just another episode in the melodrama that had become the miniseries of my life.  

The people that loved me stood by me, but please know there were others out there that continued to salivate when they saw me stumble.  The toxicity of online bullying had me on my knees.  

The salon was doing well, but it could have done better and I was fighting a lot at home.  

Eventually in the winter of 2017, I made the proclamation that I was going back to my Roman Catholic roots because, "my way [wasn't] working anymore."  

The next year brought great changes for me.  I began writing a blog called "Latter Day Catholic" that talked about my life growing up as the product of a Latter Day Saint father and a Roman Catholic mother and it all came rushing to my mind's eye that I had been running from who I was.  

Why was I trying so hard to be rebellious?  Why was I so full of myself?  Is this what the Kardashian feel like?

It was a bad look and it humbled me to walk into the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart and say, "I'm back, God, tell me what to do."

I developed a deep love for church history and a devotion to our Heavenly Mother (Mary).  I prayed with fervor each day for guidance and eventually registered for Theology School.  

I was being asked if I wanted to be a priest and I told everyone, "No.  I just want to know all there is to know."  

For me, studying and researching is a big part of who I am and when it comes to religion and spirituality, I'm not led by blind faith and most certainly don't pray because someone told me to.  Nope.  I'm gonna make that decision all on my own.

"Latter Day Catholic" was a hit and I began teaching religious education.  I still teach to this day, but my M.O. is different: I don't want you to be Catholic, I want you to develop a relationship with God.  If you become Catholic, cool.  If you hate the church and leave, I know it's not for you and I'm cool with that too.  If you are just doing this to be confirmed and baptize your niece, that's a shitty reason to become Catholic.  That's such a big commitment for such a small job title.  Godmother and Godfather are not what they once were... especially in the age of OnlyFans.

When the pandemic hit, I stopped writing all together.  I was incredibly depressed and my relationship was in deep shit.  We did not agree on anything when it came to politics or COVID.  Seven weeks inside (get the prison reference?) let me see that my path was very different.  I had begun doing yoga again the year before and I was meditating and praying and working with my Kabbalah teacher again.  I registered for yoga school and became a yoga teacher in the middle of the pandemic.  

When we came back from the lockdown, my book was full and for the next 22 months, I had a full cancelation list and a full roster of clients.  I had not seen this big of an influx in my career as a hairdresser since 2010.  I began teaching yoga and people liked me! 2020, 2021 and 2022 all came and went and each year the salon grew more and more and more.  My sales were up 49% in 2020,  They were up 150% in 2021 and in 2022, another 139%.  This year is coming in strong as my post profitable year ever at 19 years in the business.  

There's more to tell you and I want to keep writing, but I think this is good stopping point.  

I've been sitting out of the blogosphere because frankly, the world is nuts now and I know people are going to clap back and try to come for me in the comments and the DMs.  Thats what they do now! 

We do not live in a very supportive society. We live a society that likes to tear people down and for most of 2020 and even up til now, I've hid under a rock making money and meditating like a monk.  I have not traveled at all except for one yoga retreat in 2021.  

I feel like an old Hollywood actor that left the silver screen and now he's taking on Broadway or the West End.  

A new era has presented itself clearly to me and I'm ready.

[Enter Stage Right: Josh]

xo, j.